The Channel 3 Movie Coming to a Theatre Next Summer!

News Item: Hollywood Reporter, July 8, 2009- HOLLYWOOD:DreamWorks is in negotiations to acquire movie rights to the View Master toy from Mattel (which owns Fisher-Price) and has asked Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to do some “Transformers”-style magic on it.

These things suck!  Ever try to watch porn on one?

These things suck! Ever try to watch porn on one?

Wot say? A movie based on a toy? Pffft- we were way ahead of Hollywood when Kimm and I took our considerable advance monies from Posh Boy and bought the movie rights to Klik Klaks: The New World Order!

Gaaaa!  My fucking eye!!!!

Gaaaa! My fucking eye!!!!


Gee, is Hollywood running out of original ideas? Ya think?

Well, it was bound to happen. After the recent Germs bio pic

One of these people is an actor, acting quite drunk.  The rest? real drunks!!

One of these people is an actor, acting quite drunk. The rest? Real drunks!!

and the worldwide success of your old pals in One More for all My True Friends, a major motion picture studio has come calling for the film rights to our amazing story. Hardly a surprise, considering the valuable audience profile of CH3…let’s take a look, shall we?

graph
Much like the Dogtown story received its dramatic account well after the documentary, the idea is to tell the CH3 story in full cinescope, with major hollywood stars in the roles of the CH3 crew.

Of course, the major hurdle proved to be casting this epic. I mean, how ya gonna find 4 mainstream actors that can convincingly portray your heroes on the silver screen?!

CH3promo

The actor portraying Alf had to have the winning combination of street smarts and sensitivity…..

Alfie hangin in the alley as usual...

Alfie hangin in the alley as usual...

First calls went out to Vin Diesel :

Did ya get my twitter, bitch?!

Did ya get my twitter, bitch?!

and funnyman Dave Atell….

Personally I don;t see the resemblance....

Personally I don;t see the resemblance....

These choices seemed viable, but Alfredo nixed them as not reflecting his own proud Latino Heritage. We’re pretty happy with his final choice:
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I'm going to talk like a cholo now...prepare to shit yourself!

I'm going to talk like a cholo now...prepare to shit yourself!

Oh, we know what you’re thinking for the role of Anthony…

Body of Christ.......

Body of Christ.......


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Easy, right? Let’s put in the calls to Keanu or Depp…..
Well, they're alright...I guess.....

Well, they're alright...I guess.....

Well sir, Ant had final approval and he said fuck those pretty boys! The negotiations and proposals went on for weeks…..
Ant saw himself portrayed by someone like Tough guy Danny Trejo:

Who's got my fuckin bass?  Huh?!

Who's got my fuckin bass? Huh?!

While the rest of us thought charcater actor Luis Guzman might capture his free spirit……..!

It's the twinkle in the eyes....that's what makes the character!!

It's the twinkle in the eyes....that's what makes the character!!

Surprisingly, Ovitz put in a personal call from CAA, seems like one of his A listers wanted a crack at the role of the boyish bass player. Although skeptical, we agreed to let this Hollywood vet read for the part and he knocked it out of the park! We couldn’t be more pleased with the man set to portray Anthony Thompson next year!
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Give it a chance, people...ok, now you can see it, am I right?!

Give it a chance, people...ok, now you can see it, am I right?!

Next up: The casting call that put Hollywood on Red Alert! Yes, the lead actors that would portray Mike and Kimm in the movie. These roles would have to be considered among the classic Male duos of all time…..

Ralph and Norton?  Fred and Barney?  Fuck it, I give up!!!

Ralph and Norton? Fred and Barney? Fuck it, I give up!!!

And don’t give me that Clooney/Pitt nonsense! Those closeted fairies wouldn’t be able to last ten minutes in the real world of hardcore punk!

But who then would deliver the magical chemistry that saw childhood friends Magrann and Gardener become the worldwide sensations you know them as today?

dumb_dumber6
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We went through the obvious hollywood duos to no avail:

Too fat....

Too fat....

Too gay....

Too gay....

Too Dead....

Too Dead....

Hmmm..ya know what?  We're gettin warmer..!

Hmmm..ya know what? We're gettin warmer..!

What the...? Alright, now you people are just getting silly!

What the...? Alright, now you people are just getting silly!

The star search continues as millions of dollars are wasted on the halted production! Please send your own ideas to:
castingcall@channel3themovie.com

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~ by CH3 on July 16, 2009.

2 Responses to “The Channel 3 Movie Coming to a Theatre Next Summer!”

  1. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I AM (AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN) QUITE FASCINATED WITH THE POWER AND AGONY OF CH3. THEIR MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE TEARING FLESH…EXCEPT FOR WHEN JAY WAS IN THE BAND. THAT TIME REMINDED ME OF WHEN STEVE PERRY JOINED JOURNEY. ANYWAY, YES THIS MOVIE THING SHOULD BE GREAT. HOW ABOUT JON VOIGHT AND DUSTIN HOFFMAN PLAYING KIMM AND MIKE? STEVE PERRY CAN PLAY HIMSELF.
    – MCKNUCKLE

  2. […] The Channel 3 Movie Coming to a Theatre Next Summer! July 20091 comment […]

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